Signs You and Your Partner Should See a Couples Therapist

The nature of a relationship is often one of compromise, sacrifice, and, at times, disagreement. It’s true—all couples argue. This is healthy and normal in a relationship. But how do you know when your romantic relationship could use some outside input? Sometimes relationships need help from an objective third party. This is where clinical counseling comes in. The following are some signs you and your partner could benefit from a licensed couples therapist:

1. Growth in the relationship has plateaued‍

2. Respectful boundaries are being crossed

3. Constant and persistent fighting

4. Lack of communication is pervasive

5. One or both parties have been unfaithful

6. Intimacy is lacking

If You’re No Longer Growing as a Couple

Every relationship has its peaks and valleys, its highs and lows. Not every day is going to feel like a success, and some days there is nothing that can bring you two together. And while we can’t be perfect, we can be honest. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. If you feel like you and your partner are not growing as a couple, then it may be time to see a therapist. Signs of stagnated growth include:

• Laziness and indifference toward your partner

• Concern for what your partner thinks has diminished

• You stop trying to please or make your partner happy

• A decline in consistent and compassionate communication

• No active steps taken to improve the relationship

If You’re Not Respecting Each Other

There’s an old saying that goes, “Women need love, but men need respect.” This couldn’t be any less true, in that both men and women need and deserve respect in a relationship. Signs that you don’t respect your partner (or your partner doesn’t respect you) include:

• Talking over one another

• Lack of attentiveness when listening

• Feelings of resentment or anger toward each other

• Not updating one another on whereabouts, plans, etc.

• Verbally putting down one another, either publicly or in private

• Gossiping about your significant other to friends or family

If Your Fighting is Constant

You can’t quantify or measure the amount that you and your partner argue because the nature of an argument is subjective. What you may classify as an argument (a curt tone) may be completely different from what your partner does (yelling). Nevertheless, you and your partner can usually tell if your communication is filled with more discord than it is with harmony. Signs include:

• Disagreeing more often than you agree

• Stewing over past conversations or arguments

• Feeling like you can’t be honest with your partner

• Avoiding conflict altogether even when it is healthy and necessary

• Fighting during inappropriate times

• Insulting your partner

• Argue to stimulate or to gain attention

 If Your Communication Could Use Some Work

In any relationship, if communication is lacking, it can be difficult to find common ground. Most relationship problems boil down to poor communication. Signs that you and your partner could communicate better are:

• Constant defensiveness

• Passive-aggressive behavior toward each other

• Gaslighting one another

• Frequent irritation or loss of temper with one another

• Making assumptions about what your partner thinks or feels about a situation  

• Conversations frequently turn into arguments

• One of you compromises more than the other

 If You or Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful

If you or your partner has been unfaithful, this is an alarm signaling that you need to see a couples therapist. It’s important that both members of the relationship attend therapy, rather than just the offending party. This is because, although cheating is inexcusable, it is often a symptom of a much larger, underlying problem in a relationship. You both need to discuss what’s going on beneath the surface with a professional present. A couples therapist will help you discover unhealthy patterns within your relationship, help you communicate with one another, and help dissect what went wrong in the relationship that led one of you to cheat. Your couples therapist may also help you both determine if you want to continue the relationship. You may find that the relationship is not worth saving.

If You Lack Intimacy

You’ve probably figured out by now that not every day with your partner will feel like a romantic movie. After the first three to six months, you likely realized that the “honeymoon stage” of the relationship is over. Reality descends upon you and your partner, and you find that the obstacles of everyday life keep you apart. It is very normal to experience relationship lulls, where neither you nor your partner is experiencing that emotional “high.” This will certainly impact your level of physical intimacy with one another. While sex will never solve your problems, a lack of sex can be a sign that you and your partner are either miscommunicating or don’t feel safe with one another.

If you or your partner frequently find yourself “not in the mood,” if you are selfish during intercourse, or if the sex is unenjoyable, these may be signs you need to see a couples therapist. Problems rarely stop in the bedroom.

The quality of your personal relationships has a direct impact on your mental health and overall wellbeing. If you or your partner think you need to see a couples therapist, there is a wide array of options available to you! At SokyaHealth, we offer a variety of services that can be tailored to you and your partner’s needs. These pathways can supplement healthy intimacy, communication, respect, and growth as a couple. We provide treatment to those in the Alaska, Oregon, and California regions. In addition to in-person services, SokyaHealth also offers treatment via telemedicine, including individual and group therapy, counseling, psychotherapy, crisis intervention, medication management, and life coaching. Our kind, compassionate and comprehensive therapists have tools to help you and your partner achieve the healthy life you want to live together. For more information or a free consultation, call SokyaHealth today at 866-932-1767.